Breathing Room
by MarvelDC superhero fan
Summary: Anima has the chance to save Barney and Robin from living the rest of their lives apart and regretting the mistakes they made that led them there... as long as Nora and Anima's phantoms from the past don't get in the way.
1. Viva La Possimpible

Author's Note: This is my first HIMYM fanfic, and I'm not sure where it's going to go. I just had this idea, and hopefully someone will like it. Enjoy!

She knew everything he would do the minute before he did it. The whisper in her ear, the hand against the small of her back. How he would bring her closer and the sparks would supposedly fly (in her case).

Anima knew what she wanted out of this. This one night; nothing more. She was too broken to look for anything else, or too lost somehow... For a moment she was distracted by his nimble fingers and luxurious mouth on her neck, but then the moment passed and her thoughts took hold once again.

He was too drunk to realize exactly what made her so different, or even unique, from the innumerable women he had been with if it was possible to be found: her unusual name, her proclivity towards any number of activities or interests, her dreadful past. More simply, it was the fact that she wasn't the one women he truly wanted in his embrace, Robin Scherbatsky. However, he had also made sure he wasn't too intoxicated so he might imagine that it could be Ms. Scherbatsky, that he might feel and whisper and explore in the heightened delusion when one knows the truth but pretends differently just to keep the feelings that might swallow one up at bay.

She closed her eyes as his hands went lower; the air she was breathing was too thick for her: the smell of him, his desperation and her own weak indifference became too painful to bear, and she simply wished to go back to the time when she could ignore such emotions and not drown in them. But that time had passed when much of the goodness in life had decided to spur her for the rest of her existence...

Suddenly, the noise of the bustling MacLaren's rushed into Anima's ears along with every other sense to bring her back to her reality, and she began to take deeper breaths to calm herself and let go of what her imagination had just put her in. As a former psychologist, she was used to flowing into possible situations that way, but in the last few years it had become much more infrequent that she actually had felt shocked with her "daydream" of sorts.

There, sitting a bit away from the bar at a booth was Mr. Barney Stinson, the visitor in her imaginative journey, and all his friends, including the woman he was secretly still enamored with. He was very, very attractive, as Nora had told her extensively... not that she had listened thoroughly, but she knew all the silent meaning behind her words, and she couldn't help herself. She went to MacLaren's to watch him, to understand why Nora gave Anima furtive glances as she went on about her boyfriend and his friends... especially the single Robin. And now she knew. Nora felt that somehow Anima would relate to Robin, supposedly looking over at a man... and praying that his commitment to someone else would not ruin

However, all Anima could see was Barney's attentions, not Robin's. Barney was a friendly sort of person, but the way he looked at her and the way he made her important... Robin Scherbatsky was unlike anyone else to him, and that is what Nora saw every time she joined this group but tried to ignore.

Quietly and more calmly, Anima walked out of the bar and into the night. It would be nice to have friends like that; they actually seem like people I could actually like and trust, she noted to herself. Not that she would ever be allowed to join them...

She stopped in the middle of the busy sidewalk, her mind racing into an idea that left her feeling more buoyant than she had felt in a long time.

If only she could start talking to Barney, to prevent another wreckage of life that she knew all too well from occurring. As long as they never knew, she could make everyone very happy... and perhaps give her some of the peace she had craved for so long.


	2. MacLaren's And Laser Tag

**Author's Note: It's been great to know I've gotten hits, but I look forward to more story alerts or perhaps even reviews to see what you all think of it.**

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><p>Barney had a very nice evening planned; well, nice if you consider it a good excuse for not spending time with Nora and her parents (the last occasion hadn't gone all that well). But it was not meant to be. He had no one to play laser tag with as all of his friends had plans (who knew that could happen on a mundane Tuesday night!) so he had gone to the MacLaren's to have a drink, only to realize that besides drinking alone in their booth, there was nothing else better to do. He began to feel more glum than he should as he stared at the bottom of his almost empty scotch glass until a woman caught his eye.<p>

He would have considered her pretty hot in his time of conquests, but something about her left him feeling... intrigued. He wasn't quite sure what to think of her, except for the fact that the dress she was wearing was something close to what Robin would wear, and that her long, wavy hair looked a bit windblown. But her face... he couldn't really tell what she was thinking, or feeling. Not that he really cared... but still...

Suddenly, he found himself moving out of the booth and walking up to her.

"I'm not sure if I'd really be great company right now, but since there's almost no one else here, would you mind having a drink with me?"

Anima looked him in the eye and said, "I haven't heard that pickup line in a while."

Suddenly in shock, he managed to choke out it wasn't his intention because he's in a relationship, sorry for bothering her, and he was just about to race out of the bar as quickly as possible when she said, "I know what you meant by it, really. Just... company. Of course I'll join you," and gestured to a chair.

More steadily now, he sat down across from her and ordered another scotch.

"I'm not that great company myself. I listen more often than talk." He nodded. "Anima."

"Excuse me?"

"Anima Whitaker. Nice to meet you," she added, and held out her hand as she drank the last bits of her non-alcoholic drink.

"Oh sorry! Barney Stinson," he told her, and shook her hand.

They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, and then finally Barney admitted, "I think I've seen you here before. Alone. I didn't recognize you at first."

"I don't come here often, but I've seen you too, with your friends. Why aren't they here tonight?" she asked casually as she put her hair up in a ponytail.

Barney watched her for a second before answering, "They had other plans. Of course, whenever I come up with awesome plans, they're always busy!"

"But they mean a lot to you. I see the way you all are. It's nice. Not everyone has that."

Then, calmly, after ordering another round for them, she asked a question that she definitely knew the answer to. "So the tall man and the auburn haired woman are married, and the other two... are they together too?"

He knew his face had a strange look on it because he didn't like the idea that came into his mind of Robin and Ted sleeping together, or the fact that they were both at some event tonight... together.

However, he answered, "Yeah, Marshall and Lily are married. They were together for a looooong time, and then they got married. Robin and Ted, in the past..." he lost his train of thought in the memories of racing out into the alley of MacLaren's to throw TV's, very angry with Ted and Robin's lame "friends with benefits" agreement, but then remembered what he was going to say "but not anymore... Robin and him are so different, not suited for each other... the boat has sailed, it's all over now!"

Anima couldn't help but notice how quickly he had mentioned them, and how his face had slightly contorted with each new declaration.

Suddenly, he seemed glum again. "I was going to go play some laser tag... but it's not as fun without a buddy."

"I've never played before, but I've always wanted to try," she admitted with a shrug.

"Then..." he hesitated. Was he crazy to ask her out to play? Nora would definitely not be too pleased, and if Lily found out she might not be happy about him with another woman either. But... he didn't see Anima that way. It was weird, but he'd think about the why later. "I'll show you how it's done! I'll be the Jedi master of laser tag, and you'll be the padawan..."

As they walked out and went to grab a taxi, Anima smiled a little at his monologue connecting Star Wars to his laser tag expertise.

The one thing Barney couldn't shake, though, was that the whole time, her smile never spread to her eyes.


	3. Truth Invites Itself In

Author's Note: Thank you Javeria and KatoFan15 for your reviews. I value everyone who reads my story, and I hope you continue to read it. It may seem a little slow to start, but I promise things will heat up. Enjoy!

The next day Barney introduced her to his friends, and somehow they had hit it off. She knew that Lily was unsure at first, and so was Robin, but soon Anima's attitude let them see she meant no malice. She knew what role to play; her seriousness and sadness were tucked into her clutch whenever she saw the gang because she knew it wasn't the place for it. She let her former self of sorts take hold and relished it: laughing, drinking appropriate amounts of alcohol, engaging in their interesting traditions and ways, and appreciating worthy male specimens (Robin enjoyed that, and began to join in, which Anima was glad to see Barney didn't especially appreciate...)

As well, she didn't say much about her past, or what her job was, not then or any time in the two and a half months that had elapsed. After losing any faith in her being a capable psychologist, she had nowhere to go, and so she had moved to New York with the financial security of the inheritance she had received from her grandfather. Somehow she thought they had the impression she was a sort of guidance counselor, and that was fine, for now.

But the main part of everything was the wonder of this life she played. She silently and privately thrilled in the new possibilities and the nights out with all of them...especially laser tag every other Wednesday with Barney. Barney was a paradox, the one person who Anima didn't have to pretend as easily for. Sometimes they didn't need to talk, and that was enough. She felt, if she admitted it to herself, like she had known him all her life... She felt... like out of all the group, he was the one she could trust with...

"You look like you're deep in thought," noted Barney, jarring Anima out of her thoughts as she sat at the usual booth. He sat down across from her, ordered a scotch, and sat there patiently, waiting for her to answer.

She stared into his very blue eyes until she was able to reply. "Oh, nothing much."

He didn't seem to believe her, but then she blurted out, "Why is it that we get along so well?"

Suddenly, deep brown eyes and deep blue eyes stared at each other as they both considered this.

"I... I was going to say I don't know, but it's not true..." Barney admitted as he examined the table in renewed interest. "It's not..."

"I know. You don't have to say it. You're in love with someone else, and as for me I'm too stuck in the past to feel that way about anyone, even you."

A silence passed between them. The thought of Robin was unspoken in the air, but Barney pushed it away before the truth was actually spoken aloud.

"Nora's been in California this past week, but she's coming back soon with a couple of friends," he said, more at ease that the conversation had shifted from hopes and dreams to reality. It was what he handled best.

"Oh..." Anima murmured. "Why is it that we never see her at the bar?"

"Well, she says that couples don't have to do everything together."

"That makes sense. Like I've said once or twice, I don't know her that well, but she knows some people that I know."

More silence echoed between them; there wasn't much to say, and Barney refused to listen to the voice in his head that ordered him to tell her he had never mentioned Anima to Nora somehow. "I think I've made the right choice. The good choice. She's... she's really a wonderful woman." He gave a small smile.

"Sometimes I think there's another side to that." Barney made eye contact once again, and she felt unnerved by the seriousness of it. "There's the right choice: the one where you go down a checklist to see that everything looks correct and proper and makes logical sense. And then, there's the choice that when you wake up in the morning, when you're all alone and you don't worry about doubt because the truth of it resonates somehow. If that doubt ever creeps into you, then eventually the idea of it being the right choice will go up in smoke. I learned that... the hard way. Nothing like being your own worst enemy." She gave a wane smirk, if one could call it that, said, "Good night Barney," and walked out into the night.

Barney sat there for a while longer and thought of how strange tonight had become, her words slowly swirling in his head.


End file.
